July, 2002
Volume 5, Issue 5

Keeping Commitments – to Yourself

The definition of a commitment varies with different people. The definition may also vary with whom the commitment is being made to, and whether you’re the one making it or receiving it.

This month’s article will look at keeping commitments to yourself, and the August issue will focus on making and keeping commitments to others.

When you make a commitment, is it cast in stone, or is it an intention that may or may not happen?

How consciously do you decide at what level you are committing? Leaving yourself an “out” may be a way to avoid failure, but it can also be an avenue toward falling short. How well do you keep your commitments to yourself? Examples might include New Year’s resolutions, taking quiet time for yourself, losing weight, getting in shape, or writing a monthly newsletter (that might be sent out on the last day of the month!) You might commit to yourself to get a better job, no longer tolerate a draining relationship, or to save X amount of money this year.

Why are some commitments harder than others to keep? Go through your list from the past year, and identify your wins, where you’ve made progress, and where you may have fallen woefully shy. With a win, did you succeed because it was an easier task, or was it of paramount importance to you, or was there perhaps an unacceptable consequence if you did not keep the commitment? Conversely, were the areas in which you did not succeed harder, not important, or without consequence? Identifying why you succeed and fail is the first step to being more at choice.

Are you more successful in keeping commitments to yourself or others? Why? Some of us are unwilling to let others down, either because they are more important to us than we are to ourselves, or because having someone else see us as a person who can be counted upon is of great importance.

There is also the “accountability factor.” If you’ve made a commitment to someone else (or perhaps a group), you know there may be a consequence for not following through. If you have made a secret commitment to yourself and don’t follow through, oft times the only one who knows it is….you. So the consequence may seem less onerous.

But consider this. If you consistently don’t keep your commitments to yourself, how trustworthy are you in your own eyes? Would you believe a statement of “I will do X by Y date” from someone who hardly ever follows through on those commitments? What might that do to your confidence?

Common challenges to keeping your commitments to yourself include:

Over-committing – to yourself, to others, or both.
2. When having to choose between keeping a commitment to (or even a request from) someone else or keeping a commitment to yourself, you back burner yourself – every time.
3. Frivolous commitments – you think, “yeah, I want that,” but don’t want it badly enough to make changes.
4. Unrealistic commitments. My friend Pat Senecal shared this formula with me – Value x “Cando- ability” = Motivation. If there’s not enough value in succeeding or the commitment is not doable, motivation will be lacking.

What steps can you take to improve your success rate on commitments to yourself?

1. Realize “the Pie is the Pie.” Look at what you have on your plate, and make your choices.
2. Say “No” or “I don’t Think So.” If you are not willing to do this, it is virtually impossible not to over-commit.
3. Up your accountability factor by telling other people about your commitments to yourself.
4. Make some small commitments to yourself that you KNOW you can keep, as well as having some larger ones that are really important to you. For instance, if you want to commit to getting up an hour earlier every day, start by doing it ONCE. Allow yourself to experience success, then expand the commitment.
5. Avoid “all or nothing” commitments. If you can’t seem to meet your commitment, resist the temptation to chuck it. Revise the commitment instead.

What commitments are you willing to make and keep to yourself this month?

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