Telling The Truth

How good are you at telling yourself the truth? Many people think of “telling the truth” as something that we should do with others. But I find that lots of people forget that being completely honest with oneself is a huge part of being truthful.

In your business, and in your personal life, if someone asks you, “how are things going?” do they get the whole truth? Or do they get selected versions, or snippets that project what you want them to believe? Sometimes, particularly in business, we may want to take care ourselves by not sharing all. But when there’s no one but you, does the whole truth show up? Or do the lines get a little blurred between what you show the world and what you tell yourself?

It can be exhausting to keep up a mask, whether it’s one that says “everything’s great!” when in fact debt and fear may be mounting, or whether when someone gives you accolades for your success, you modestly say, “I’m just lucky, really. I have no special talent and I don’t work that hard.” When you’re alone, it’s vital to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It’s the only way to know where you really are. Knowing where you really are is critical to mapping how to get where you want to go next. It’s also incredibly important to have a couple of people, such as a partner, friend, or family member, with whom you may safely share your deepest thoughts, hopes and fears. Why?

• To know you’re accepted and valued exactly as you are, in all your glory and weakness.
• Glory feels more real when it’s shared and reflected. Weakness feels less burdensome when it’s shared and accepted.
• By making yourself vulnerable, you encourage others to be vulnerable as well. Vulnerability and sharing of one’s reality is the key to intimacy, which is the key to knowing ourselves and another human being at the deepest level. It’s how we connect to something larger than ourselves.

But, back to telling the truth to yourself. What do you truly believe? Do you believe that you deserve a promotion and should be running the company? Or, at the other end of the spectrum, that you’re an imposter unqualified to do what you do and earn what you earn? Or are you at peace, feeling that where you are right now is exactly where you’re supposed to be?

Try this exercise to test your internal "truth quotient":

If you were on a spaceship with two complete strangers, with less than 48 hours to live, and you were each to tell your life stories, what would yours be? Any reason for projection would be gone, as you’d all cease to be living within 2 days.

1. What’s the truth about your relationships? With your partner, friends and family? Are there any incompletions you wish you could clean up? Are you satisfied with the level of integrity at which you’ve operated?
2. What does your career look like? Are you pleased with the steps you’ve taken, what you’ve contributed, what you’ve earned? Are there ideas you wish you’d pursued, but never did, because you were so busy being where you were? Now that time has “run out,” what do you wish you’d done? What, looking back, do you wish you’d spent less time on (playing Freecell, sleeping late)?
3. As you recount your story to these two strangers, what are the big triumphs of your life? What do you view as failures, and how do they fit into the story of your life, in the creation of who you are today?
4. What has been your mark upon the world? How did you affect other people, and what did you contribute to your family, community, the universe? What about your life transcended you?

OK, back to today. Consider telling yourself the truth today about three things you may have been side-stepping. Where do you really stand with your goals? Of what are you most proud? Is there something hurtful you’ve been unable to face? Notice what telling yourself the complete truth does. Then decide whether you need to do anything about it.

If you’d like to talk further about it, let me know!

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E-mail: ginger@magellangj.com
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