Trust Part Three – Following Through

Few actions can build trust more completely than following through. From small things such as “I’ll call you tomorrow,” to huge issues such as bending over backwards to help someone, how you follow through is watched and evaluated by everyone with whom you come in contact. This is the quintessential “actions speak louder than words.” Many people have the ability to impress at first meeting – the ability to follow through is what develops relationships and sustains them.

Consistency is perhaps the element most lacking in follow through. Each of us has different standards for “what counts.” For example, it’s amazing how many people, particularly in business situations, think it’s fine not to return phone calls. They feel that they follow through “when it counts,” and returning phone calls doesn’t fit into that category. But what do you think happens to the level of trust in all of those relationships where a phone call is ignored?

How do you feel when someone puts you in the “not really important” category? If someone follows through some of the time, but you’re not sure when you can count on them, where does that put your trust on a scale of 1 to 10?

What are your standards for following through? Can you be counted on 100% Do you let yourself off the hook easily, or are you someone who will torture themselves until commitments are complete? How well do you communicate your standards to others, so that they know what to expect? For instance, when meeting someone for coffee, if you know you’re habitually late, it might help the trust relationship to let the other person know that you might be a few minutes late. While you might think this is accepting failure on your part in advance, it’s doing so in the interest of maintaining trust with the other person.

Key to building trust in terms of your own follow through is communicating and meeting your standards, whatever those may be. If you tell someone that you will absolutely have a report or proposal to them by Friday and that day passes without you delivering or communicating, the other person’s trust in you just took a serious hit. And most likely all of your future communiqués will be received with some skepticism – especially if the other person’s standards are higher than yours.

Here are some practical steps to increase your ability to build trust with others by following through:

1. Define your standards (what you hold yourself to and measure yourself by)
2. Assess how well you communicate those standards to others, and where you might need to improve.
3. Are you content with your standards, or do you wish to upgrade them? If you find yourself stressed and stretched way too thinly, do you want to DOWNgrade your standards? (people who say “yes” to too many commitments may especially need to consider downgrading their standards.)
4. What percentage of the time are you successful in meeting your standards? How big is the gap, and what are you willing to do about it?

If you find your level of trust in another person eroding because of their lack of follow through, is there anything you can do to ameliorate that erosion? That of course depends upon the person and circumstance – in a work situation, you might be able to greatly influence a subordinate’s follow through, and your manager’s not at all. In all cases, letting other people know how positively it affects your relationship and trust when they do follow through helps reinforce their desire to follow through. Other steps to consider include:

1. If you find yourself frequently disappointed in the follow through of others, is it more often because others aren’t following through on their commitments, or is it sometimes a case of not clearly communicating your expectations?
2. When your expectations are not met, do you let the other person know? What are your rules here? (i.e., I let subordinates know, but not my boss…..I let me kids know, but not my husband, because I don’t want to start an argument.
3. What steps, if any, do you take to help others follow through? Steps can include reminders, offering of resources, dialogue about what’s realistic, etc.

Following through in a way that builds trust is one of the simplest, yet most difficult, qualities to execute consistently. It is simple in that it is “do what you say you’ll do, when you you said you’ll do it.” What’s difficult is knowing yourself well enough and leaving enough contingency for the unknown when making a commitment that is usually designed to please another person’s agenda. If you’d like support in increasing your ability in this area, call me!

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